A sex story
As I wrote in my previous blog post, this will be a story about sex.
This will be a story about me and my current boyfriend, or my yet-to-be-official boyfriend.
I should write how my perfect day would go with him, and the perfect way in which he can make this relationship "official".
Long story short, we would meet, he tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him and we have sex and go to sleep together.
To be honest, i think a friendship has more depth than a love relationship. A love relationship can be built almost instantly- you see a guy, you instantly know if you can fuck him. And if you can fuck him, you would go on dates with him and you don't mind if he wants to hold your hand or do anything further than that. It's really quite simple. Almost intolerably menial. I've been repeating the same thing over and over and over again.
I'll actually list the names of my past boyfriends here.
In chronological order:
Christoffer Larsson (28 when we started dating)
(Swedish guy whose name I can't recall) (30~33)
Takahiro (24 going on 25)
Ogata Yoshi----(forgot name) (28?)
All of these guys I met online, saw their photos, met them in person, went on dates multiple times, had sex, then one refused the other and broke up.
This is unbearably predictable.
I know this is what's going to happen in any case.
No matter how good looking the other person is, no matter how much money he makes, no matter how good looking and rich I become, this structure, this cycle, is not going to change.
The time span might change of course. The relationship might last longer or shorter. But in the end, this is how it goes.
The only way to break this meaningless cycle is to put up with the other person and make an effort to stay with him.
No one's going to appear good enough to put up with.
All of these guys I dated, they were either good looking or really smart, and they all had good jobs (or good sounding jobs).
But none of them are with me today, and that's because they couldn't stand me or I couldn't stand them.
To make a relationship last, both parties involved need to make a commitment, to stay together.
What incentivizes both parties to stay together is probably what's called "love".
But this love is, at the initial stage, equal to lust, and in the later stages, closer to inertia. It has to be the core values that match, and at the bottom line, both man and woman have to be able to respect some aspect of each other.
Let's see if our love between Hideaki and I is sustainable.
-Hideaki is 30, and looking to get married if possible, but is not in any big hurry
(Why is he dating me? Because he can date a 20 year old with a nice figure, he appreciates me and finds me sufficient to talk to. He also said he wanted to go out more. He's probably just waiting to see what happens)
- I am 20, not looking to get married, but I don't mind the concept of marriage because I want someone to go home to
(Why am I dating him? Because I want to be appreciated, and he does appreciate me and I do like the way he looks. At first I was like no way but then I saw that he's kind of nice. I'm also just waiting to see what happens)
- He obviously wants to have sex with me, but he is polite, seems good natured and reasonable and has compatible values
What's different this time round:
I'm not actually looking for a boyfriend, I mean I don't mind having one but I don't mind not having one either. I have enough money and I've learned how to enjoy time by myself.
I feel safe with him. Although his speech is a little hard to make out, he's not really introverted nor extroverted like me, and he isn't completely feminine and although he maintains himself he doesn't really seem to be into dieting or self improvement. He seems to have time, because he worked very hard when he was younger, and can spend time with me.
He's a bit like my father.
And the big thing is that his hair isn't thinning out. He sweats a lot though.
